Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
