That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
