Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
