I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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