I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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