Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
