He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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