fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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