i'm signing you up for texting rehab
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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