Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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