Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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