God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
