Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
