Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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