remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
