Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
