4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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