I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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