Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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