Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
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