Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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