Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
