Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
