I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
