dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
