also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
