I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
