Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
