I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
