I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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