Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
