I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
