I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
