So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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