was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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