I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
