There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
