he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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