Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do herpes really smell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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