like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
