she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
