I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
