The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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