Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
