what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
