He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
