If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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