I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
