i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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