Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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