I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
