don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
