Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
