Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
