don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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