It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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