I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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