Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
