it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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