I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
