so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
