I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's blow job season.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My life is pants optional.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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