I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
