What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
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Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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