Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
