i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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