She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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