I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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