Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
