I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
